My heart thumps a bit harder, a bit faster. My stomach knots together, creating a tight little fist that would have had me doubled over with anxiety in any other situation. Now, a thousand little butterflies flutter at the edge of that fist, tickling. Waiting to explode. It’s almost that time of the year again. That time when writers from all over our globe connect, support and cheer each other on to write their 50K stories. Yes, it’s almost here. It’s still slightly out of reach but I can taste it already. My God, can I taste it already.
Oddly, it tastes bittersweet this year. For the first time in three years, I have not the tiniest bit of an idea what to write. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas. Oh boy. If that only were true. It’s more of the fact that I have too many ideas and I can’t wrap my mind around one in particular as they’re bouncing at the edge, all screaming to be heard.
Do I rewrite the story I began last year? Am I going to explore the three new worlds that’s been nagging me, revealed to me by my subconsciousness during my dreams and jumping on me while I attempt a nice, relaxing shower? Or maybe I should rekindle that fire of my two year old science fiction?
There are so many options and yet, I feel I can only choose one. But why? Why should I abide to the boundary of only submitting and/or committing myself to the one story? This year, this one option feels suffocating, somehow. It’s confusing me. I am aware that putting my complete attention to the one story, is the best way to write a 50K story but where I am now today, with my thoughts tumbling and jumping from one story to another, I don’t think I can focus enough.
Which made me think. A lot. It included a lot of wall staring if I’m being totally honest with you. And tears. What’s NaNoWriMo really about? Is it about writing THE one novel? Or is it about writing? The “enter your novel” option certainly makes it feel as if it’s about “Writing the ONE and only novel” but is it truly? Isn’t it more about a bunch of people gathering together, inspiring each other to write, write, write (towards that novel) but who said it can’t be two novels? Or one novel and a rewrite?
You see, the thing is, I’m an emotional writer. I write dark scenes when I’m in a dark place. I write happy scenes when I’m in a good place. So if I’m being at my dark place and writing the happy, fluffy romance…I’m bound to kill someone at some point who isn’t supposed to be dead. Or when I’m in my happy place writing my mystery, the evil guy will most likely end up being married with my mc living happily ever after. Which, would be Crazy with a capital C.
So why force myself to writing the one story when I’m not in the mood and then, possibly, face a writer’s block? That would defeat the whole purpose of “writing 50K words in one month” challenge, wouldn’t it? I refuse to let myself get cornered by the one-way option on NaNoWriMo.
I don’t know what to write about. So? Who cares? As long as I’m writing. That’s what counts! And with this spirit, I’m starting this year’s NaNoWriMo with a complete blank page – I’m going to write whatever I feel whenever I feel it. Let the words flow and fall upon my paper as they come. Will this be a series of word vomits? Probably. But I will be writing and at least, that’s one thing I’m doing more than what I did in the previous months. And who knows, maybe, as the days continue I will find my focus again. Maybe I’ll even come up with new story ideas!
To the Unknown, here I come!
Yikes, I’ve never felt this nervous before.
Are you participating in this year’s NaNoWriMo? Tell me about your choice of novel. Are you doing a rewrite? Or are you just like me, deciding you’ll figure it out while you’re writing whatever comes to mind? Let me know in the comment section!