In normal circumstances, this would be a lovely post announcing my come back on the blog but unfortunately, the circumstances are far from normal, still. Without going too much into detail, let’s just say that combining a book reviewing blog with running a company during the most active period of the year was a bit ambitious. And that’s mildly put.
In August, I had to take over my mum’s position in our company without any experience and my mum has been the oil. Without her, everything falls completely still. So being thrown into a job with the responsibility to provide work for an entire company AND to keep the customers happy was…challenging to say the least. At some point in September, I found myself not only taking over one job, but two jobs too. Crazy days, weeks and months have passed since then while I sort of managed to cope with the workload and writing my book reviews.
Until I no longer did. It wasn’t pretty.
I needed to make an important decision in October. My days existed out of work, stress, and more work while I only saw the piles of files grow bigger, the notes of phone calls I had to return grow messier. I worked all day long and by the end of the day the pile had become bigger instead of smaller.
I’m a perfectionist, so the need to read a book per week and write a review for my blog was always present. I saw the deadline and became angry that I was too tired to read, too tired to write, too tired to upload. I felt as if I disappointed my parents, our clients, our employees and in the end, you, my lovely readers too.
I felt like a failure.
No one was happy. I was angry and sad. There have been moments when I doubted myself. Times when I felt as if no one cared what I did. It’s not a healthy thought but taking a break from the job I was entrusted with, wasn’t an option. If I took a break, then an entire company would fall still. Impossible.
So to say I was (still am) underneath a lot of stress, is really making an understatement. Either I could continue doing everything the way I was doing it back then, or I could start with taking things slow. I decided that the company was more important than my hobby. There was no extra energy left so the energy that I had, I had to use wisely. No matter how much I wanted to keep this blog alive, it wasn’t an option anymore.
Today, I feel better. A bit more relaxed but returning to weekly updates is still too much to ask and for that I apologize. I hope you all understand and haven’t given up on me yet. I’m reading again, albeit slowly, and hopefully, I find some energy to write reviews during my breaks but for now, it will all happen behind closed curtains while I prepare my blog for a come back in January.
Soon. Not long anymore. But not quite yet.